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  #1  
Old 10-23-2006, 03:34 PM
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Default attachment parenting
Last sunday evening we had a 60 minutes program with a segiment on Attachment parenting. See site below
http://sixtyminutes.ninemsn.com.au/s...story_1798.asp
Ok In typical media style this maybe taking this issue to the extreme, however the story, as presented distrubed me a bit.
If the link doesn't work let me know and I'll see if i can copy/ paste.
I'd be interested in other members' view on the subject
Vince (TC)
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Old 10-23-2006, 04:07 PM
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If the link in the OP doesn't work try this one
http://sixtyminutes.ninemsn.com.au/sixtyminutes/
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Old 10-23-2006, 04:12 PM
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Hi tcp. Interesting video. Seems a bit extreme to me as well. There is a spectrum of attachment parenting and it is important to keep in mind that you have to do what works best for your family. For example, I'm not sure that most people really should or could both quit work to spend 24/7 with their kids. Likewise with the 'family bed' technique. If the parents can't sleep are and grumpy and inefficient all day, that would counteract the good benefits. It seems to me that the biggest potential problem for these kids will be that no one ever says no to them. I think this could actually lead to insecurity. Kids look for parents to set limits so that they know they are safe.
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Old 10-23-2006, 05:10 PM
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My personal parenting philosophy is that every child is unique and you need to adapt your parenting style to their age and temperment.

My experience and observations with my daughter:

Pregnancy & Birth: I had a wonderful ob/gyn. I made it quite clear that I wanted to avoid medications and have as natural a birth as possible. Because I when to regular checkups and ultrasounds, when I came to the office at 30 weeks with lots of contractions they were able to know immeadiately that I'd gone from 0 to 50% effaced within a week. I was immeadiately put on bedrest and given steroid shots to quicken her lung developement for a better chance of survival in the event of a premature birth. I made it to 40 weeks and was 5 centimeters dialated when I went into labor. Under three hours and an epidural later, my daughter was born. Yay!

I disagree with these people for dismissing medical supervision during pregnancy. I can respect the desire for a home birth if the child and mother are both in good health, but so many problems can be solved with far less intervention if detected early.

The First Year: We decided it would be best for me to stay home with our daughter. For the first three months, my daughter slept in a bassinet beside the bed and occasionally coslept (usually when we both fell asleep while nursing). This worked the best because she nursed so frequently day and night. At three months, we moved her into a crib in her own room and she didn't mind the transition at all. I spent my days with her feeding her, changing her, holding her, singing to her, playing with her, reading to her and watching her grow. I was away from her for fifteen minutes during her first year. And yes, she wore diapers! I nursed her for a little over a year... until we were both ready for her to wean. She weaned in three days with the greatest of ease.

How on earth do you go out in public with a diaperless baby? If they don't mind the child messing the carpet, that is there business, but I don't feel most businesses would be as forgiving. Even though I was with my child throughout her first year, I tried to give her space to explore on her own as well. I didn't want to play with her non-stop and she certainly wouldn't have tolerated it either. With parenting, I feel it is very wrong to go to the extremes in either dependent (attachment) and independence training.

I get the impression that the kids are nursing so late because of insecurity and the inability to self-soothe. (In other places in the world, young children nurse because it is the norm, among other things...). I feel a child needs boundaries to feel safe and secure, but these parents aren't providing any.

My family beckons... I'll continue later.
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Old 10-23-2006, 08:54 PM
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Quote:
TARA BROWN: Following their philosophy, attachment parenting starts before their child is even born. According to Krista, one of the greatest threats to a child is medical intervention during pregnancy. So in her world, that means no ultrasound, no hospitals and no doctors. It goes without saying the birth should happen at home unless there's an emergency.

KRISTA CORNISH-SCOTT: It's interesting to me that veterinarians and zoologists understand exactly what happens if you interfere with the birth, if you have a bunch of observers sitting around watching an animal give birth. That mother may not give birth or it may be very difficult or she may do strange things afterwards like try to eat the baby or ignore the baby or do weird things.

This was very appalling to me. Did they ever stop to think that the animals don't know that the vets/zoologists have the animals best interests in mind? The animal sees a threat at a critical time, yes they're going to behave differently than if the humans weren't there. There is NO comparison! A woman is not going to eat her child because she's had an ultrasound, an epidural or, heaven forbid, prenatal vitamins.
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Old 10-23-2006, 08:58 PM
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Onward!

The Second Year: I did need to discipline my daughter the first year, but not terribly frequently because she wasn't able to get herself into quite as many dangerous situations. Discipline becomes a LOT more important as the child becomes more capable. I would slap her hand away from something dangerous. For lesser mayhem, I would tell her, "No!" and remove her from the situation. As she got older, I gave increasingly elaborate explanations why what she did was wrong. I put her in time out for tantrums and violence (hitting, throwing, biting...). Was she happy when I disciplined her? Absolutely not. Has she amended her behavior? Yes, and, while I'm quite sure I would be labelled a terrible mother by these extremists, my daughter is brilliant, affectionate, curious, enthusiatic and contagiously happy.

Parents need to understand that they are parents first... and that means that no matter what you do, you will not always be popular with your child. Giving your child everything is a sure way to ensure misery, because while these parents will surely dote on their young with a vengence at least until their eighteenth birthday, no one else ever will. Goodness, I don't pander to my husband that much! Of course, we believe in reciprocity in our marriage.

I do agree that respect is to be earned. However, you can be polite and respectful regardless of your feelings about the person. The fact of the matter is that socialization is a lengthy process that depends on the interaction of the child with a variety of circumstances and personalities. These people have already shown an unwillingness to take appropriate actions to correct the child when they are interacting in negative ways. If, "Honey, you really shouldn't do that because it's rude," isn't working then you need to try something else. I also fear they are overprotective to the point of not allowing them to be exposed to a variety of situations, thus further hindering their coping ability and crippling them as they rise to adulthood.

Furthermore, I take the attitude in the interview to be extremely classist. There are only a handful of wealthy people who could afford to live without additional income for several decades. To imply that these are the only people justified in having kids is disgusting.
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Old 10-23-2006, 10:42 PM
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Yeah, I can imagine how far I would have got with the philosophy that dad can sleep in his own room and I'll sleep with all the kids. I can't even imagine wanting that.
I wonder about the parent's relationship...it's so easy under normal circumstances to slip out of being a couple and into being parents if you're not aware of the possibility. How many of these parents are going to finally have their kids out of the house (and I'm seeing future candidates for Dr Phil there) and discover they have absolutely nothing in common anymore.
I think this is less about the children and more about the parents, to be honest. Attachment can be unhealthy, if it's extreme...I think they're failing to see that, they're so smugly secure in their little world of,'Look at me, I'm such a good bloody parent, and your child is in a pram so you're not.'
They're the same type of personality that makes for preachy ex smokers, except they're not just being annoyingly opinionated, they're playing about with their childrens future.
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Old 10-23-2006, 11:14 PM
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I know some others may want to be nice about this and such, but...that's just not me. I'll say it...This is just freakin' screwed up! I find it absolutely crazy. Those children aren't going to know the real world out there until it hits them square in the face and sends them into therapy. And I'm sorry...but there is NO way that I'd be okay with my baby crappin all over the floor and going in the yard. That's just ridiculous.( as I sit here typing this I have my baby in my lap and I smell something foul...time to go take advantage of the great Huggies.......) well, that's better. glad I don't have crap on my pants. I'm sorry, but I'm not superwoman. I can't study my baby's face all the time waiting for a sign that he has to pee. And how the heck are they making their children "independent" when they can't get a five-year-old to stop breastfeeding?
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Old 10-24-2006, 06:51 AM
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Ay, that's OK that I'm in the minority. I have not watched the video, but this isn't the first time that attachment parenting has been questioned or villified in some way shape or form.



I breastfed my kids until they weaned on their own. Tyler was three and Dana was four. They're not any less independent than other kids their age.


They also slept in our bed until they wanted out. That happened around the time when they weaned.



They now have their own bedrooms and hardly come to find me anymore unless they're sick.




I get rather annoyed when talk surfaces about "independence" and "self-soothing" that is felt to be absent from attachment parenting as if this is important to introduce. The fear is that children don't do this on their own - ever -



which is complete bull.



I had the worst critics from in-laws about my mothering. I was told that I was "smothering" my kids because I allowed them to nurse at three years old. I was told that my kids would never stop unless I made them stop. So, this is a subject that I have deep emotions about. The kids proved the critics wrong, and my in-laws actually admitted that THEY were wrong and apologized to me for making some visits hell in our house.



Kids grow. Growth happens. And all attachment parenting does is allow it to happen in it's own time. I'm an advocate for this type of parenting, and our kids are proof-positive that independent, self-secure, and respectful children grow from it, and not in spite of it.



Peace,
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Old 10-24-2006, 09:22 AM
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Mystic, I sincerely doubt you took attachment parenting to the extremes these people did... and from reading your parenting advice you actually correct your children when they were not doing what they should. I admit I didn't watch the video either... I read the transcript and here are a few specific quotes I object to:
Quote:
TARA BROWN: As for prams and bouncers, they are the ideal gift for the lazy parent. The good parent carries their child everywhere.
Using a stroller or other child carrier does not make you a bad mother, though I don't care for bouncers, walkers and similar. As long as you are getting plenty of time actually holding and being with your child, rolling them around for twenty minutes a day won't have any ill effects and at least my child enjoyed watching the world go by.

Quote:
TARA BROWN: And cots aren't commonsense. They're a curse.
Some kids respond better to cosleeping later than others. Thats fine. I don't care for their condemnation of what works well for other children. My daughter loved her bassinet and she was happy in her crib.

Quote:
(Parent) GARY COLE: I think one of the worst things you can tell a child is to respect their elders. Because their elders have to earn that respect before they get it. (Child) ELENA COLE: You're an idiot.
This child is five years old. My twenty-one month old toddler has better manners.


What is really setting me off are a laundry list of absolutes taken to the extreme. As TC already mentioned, this is the news so they are only reporting the extreme side of things. I'm sure they passed up plenty of well-adjusted families to focus on these people.
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