Do harsher parents imply tougher characters? (ritual, moral, beliefs, experience)

[finalfrogo]

If your parents were stricter and more critical towards you, do you think you would be a tougher person mentally or emotionally?

Does the maximization of parental love and kindness cause a weaker personality later in life?

How difficult should parents be to their children?

[Booko]

Originally Posted by finalfrogo

If your parents were stricter and more critical towards you, do you think you would be a tougher person mentally or emotionally?

No, they were pretty strict already.

Does the maximization of parental love and kindness cause a weaker personality later in life?

Only if the parent fails to use the word "no" where appropriate. Well, I don't know if it would create a "weaker" personality, but you might create someone that no one wants to be around.

How difficult should parents be to their children?

In large part, it depends on the child.

If we come down too hard on our daughter, she collapses, so we can't use such direct methods all the time. We have to be a little more creative when it comes to negative reinforcement.

If we're not just terribly blunt with our son, he misses the point. But usually all it takes for him is a logical explanation.

[FFH]

Originally Posted by Frogo

If your parents were stricter and more critical towards you, do you think you would be a tougher person mentally or emotionally?

Does the maximization of parental love and kindness cause a weaker personality later in life?
How difficult should parents be to their children?

Wow, great question, one I have pondered more than I care to admit.

The answer to this question is don't harass your children, and don't let your parents harass you.

We are born with a set of beliefs that don't change much throughout our lifetime.

Even at the age of 6, I was determined to live my life a certain way, and both parents harassed me and only made things worse.


Ephesians 6: 4

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.


We are all moving at a different pace, and should be left alone to travel at that pace.

The purpose of parents is to train in all things, both temporal and spiritual.

Show your kid how to take on tasks that he will use a lifetime like common house repairs, proper car maintenance, money management, etc.

Help them become as independent as possible in all things.


Proverbes 22: 6

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

[almifkhar]

mine were strict to begin with

to be too much of anything is bad in preparing for the next generation. i would say it all depends on the child because some naturally want to please and some naturally want to rebel.

i dont believe a family should be ran as a democracy, however, wants and desires should be considered.

[Topanga]

Originally Posted by finalfrogo

If your parents were stricter and more critical towards you, do you think you would be a tougher person mentally or emotionally?

Does the maximization of parental love and kindness cause a weaker personality later in life?

How difficult should parents be to their children?

I don't think the strictness and how critical the parents are towards the child makes the person tougher mentally or emotionally. My parents were fairly strict...especially my father, but he was never abusive. My mother could be very critical. I am fairly sensitive, not tough at all.
Well, I am tough in the sense that I can go through experiences in life and take them in my stride, but I am quite sensitive in other ways.
I don't think that the maximization of parental love and kindness cause a person to be weaker later in life, either.
You can choose to be who you are and have control over the way you react to things and people...if takes practice and a lot of strength, but it can be done.

[michel]

Originally Posted by finalfrogo

If your parents were stricter and more critical towards you, do you think you would be a tougher person mentally or emotionally?

No way; Firstly, I don't believe that there is a way of predicting how a child will react whichever way you treat him/her. I was brought up pretty strictly (and that was even worse when I went to a boarding school); it broke me.

Does the maximization of parental love and kindness cause a weaker personality later in life?

No; I don't believe so. If anything it makes the child more comfortable about Love and emotion.

How difficult should parents be to their children?

Do you know, I don't understand this question; do you mean 'strict'?...................I don't know, maybe 10 , or 11.............

[Shadow Wolf]

My mom always has been strict and harsh.
She very recently discovered my drug-related past (and I have been clean for about two months), and she found out I am not the Christian she raised me to be, but have converted to Paganism. She got too see me drunk at my sisters graduation party. She now views me as a failure.
She always wanted A's from me at school, wanted me too be very morally upright, and live as a good person. I used to get grounded for C's, grounded for not being polite to everyone, and grounded for other dumb things. My mom got someone that is the completly opposite of what she wanted.

[Victor]

Originally Posted by finalfrogo

If your parents were stricter and more critical towards you, do you think you would be a tougher person mentally or emotionally?

Does the maximization of parental love and kindness cause a weaker personality later in life?

How difficult should parents be to their children?

I'd say she was moderate. I was raised by my mom, never met my dad.
It's rather odd because my mom would have been just fine if I just worked a minimum wage job, stayed out of jail, and as long as I didn't do anything extreme like kill a person, she was rather accepting of whatever I did.

By the age of 14 I had seen just about everything one could wish to see. I was tired, bored, and oddly enough said to myself "is this it?".

If felt like nothing was expected of me and my friends who came from good families wanted what I had so bad. "You can do whatever you want" They would say. Apparently I was suposed to feel free and wonderful inside. I didn't feel any of that.

I was much more interested in listening to my friends dad tell stories and his mom talk about what they did for the day. My friend would just yawn and would want to leave.

So I guess being stricter isn't really what I think I needed. I just needed someone to be there.

I believe that if you go to either extreme (very strict - not strict at all) a child is bound to see the world in those eyes. It can make them or break them.

[dawny0826]

If your parents were stricter and more critical towards you, do you think you would be a tougher person mentally or emotionally?

I think it really depends on the parents and the kids involved. You're dealing with unique personalities...so you're going to find unique mixes and scenarios, here.

For me personally, I was blessed with parents who managed find a balance when raising us. They were strict in that we were expected to do certain things and to behave in a certain way but even in their punishment, there was no doubt in our minds, they loved us.

They also, despite their often super conservative notions, gave us just enough freedom to express ourselves and make certain decisions for ourselves, while reiterating the importance of morality and respect for others (which they were adament about).

My emotional quirks are chemical...not the result of my upbringing. And considering what I went through during with alcoholism in my family and witnessing the emotional abuse that an alcoholic can inflict...I think my sisters and I have much to celebrate over.

We're pretty functional and have pretty level heads on our shoulders.

Does the maximization of parental love and kindness cause a weaker personality later in life?

Again, it depends.

My parents found a balance. They expected respect from us and expected us to do as we were supposed to do but they raised us in a way that we never questioned their motives. We didn't have to. We knew that when we were punished, our punishment was jutified because of our actions.

The encouragement and motivation that love often evokes can make for a stronger person, I think. Despite the ups and downs of my childhood, I never doubted that my folks love me. And it's a blessing to never have to doubt that.

How difficult should parents be to their children?

Totally depends on the kid and the parents' discipline style.

Emily, my oldest is totally unresponsive to physical discipline and I don't like to use it if I don't have to...so positive and negative reinforcement goes a long way. She can be a toughie at times. She's strong willed and sometimes my husband and I have no choice but to be as firm as possible.

But while firmly correcting her...we make sure that she understands what our intent is...not to hurt or upset her but to teach her right from wrong because we love her so very much.

The baby isn't even two yet, so she's at the age where you can place diversions in front of her path to steer her away from negative behaviours. She's much more laid back than her older sis. But you know...we haven't formally made it into the terrible twos yet, so we'll see...