Fleeing abuse: Mary's living hell (blood, experience, Mary, marriage)

[michel]

Dosn't this sort of story make your blood boil ?




Fleeing abuse: Mary's living hell

By Thelma Etim
BBC News, Dorset


When Mary found her one-year-old daughter about to put a used bag of cocaine in her mouth she realised it was finally time to leave.

Being head-butted twice by her drug-addicted husband the day before she was due to give birth had not made her flee.

And the 25-year-old had got used to the unpredictable, sporadic violent rages that came to define their two-year marriage.

But her husband's carelessness around their only daughter had been "the final straw".


I had a black eye when I gave birth to my daughter and I pretended to his family I had walked into a cupboard
Domestic violence survivor Mary


Mary had left their family home in Bournemouth once before but he persuaded her to return to give their marriage another go.

But her second "flight" was for good.

Mary arrived at Bournemouth Women's Refuge seven months ago with only one suitcase, and holding on to her precious daughter Anna.

She had been at another refuge but her husband had tracked her down.

"This is never happening to me again," she said. "I have walked away from everything - the life I made, my home, my friends.




"I had a black eye when I gave birth to my daughter and I pretended to his family I had walked into a cupboard.

"I am now in control of my destiny and my daughter's. I will never be homeless again."

Mary had survived so much abuse since the couple first met in the Far East where she was working.



She described herself as the young and impressionable woman, and him as the "charming" older man - he was 42 at the time.

"We got married within two months of meeting each other and I had a baby too soon.



"Looking back, I now see it was his way of controlling me. He told me he was a jealous guy."

When the couple returned to England, leaving their "party lifestyle" behind, her husband got a job and they were "happy for a while", she said.


Staying at the refuge has been one of the best experiences of my life... I felt my old personality returning



But after their baby daughter was born the cracks began to appear in their "whirlwind romance", as he became increasingly volatile.

While Mary wanted to go out and make new girlfriends, her husband was becoming more paranoid, possessive and aggressive.

She had also discovered he was secretly taking drugs and lying to her about money - they are still more than £5,000 in debt.

To avoid his anger, Mary changed from the effervescent, gregarious young woman she had once been.

Making the break

"I stopped wearing make-up and nice clothes," she explained. "I could not bear the thought of anyone looking at me because I could not bear him getting angry and interrogating me about other men."

But her time at the refuge has given her fresh hope and confidence about her and Anna's future.

"Staying at the refuge has been one of the best experiences of my life. I have made so many new friends and within just a few weeks I felt my old personality returning."

Her advice to the other women still living in fear and suffering in silence is frank: "Stop fooling yourself, lying to yourself - 'bite the bullet', you are strong enough to leave."

The identities of the mother and her child in this story have been changed.


Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/h...et/4482224.stm

Published: 2005/12/23 04:38:16 GMT

© BBC MMV

[Sunstone]

It's all too common.

[QTpi]

I am so glad she was able to get out of that situation with her daughter and start a new life! I hope more women in her situation will leave before it's too late.

[Pussyfoot Mouse]

Thank you for sharing that Michel. It's a shame not all women are as courageous as Mary.

[jeffrey]

Rebecca went through something similar to that. Been 7 years since she left him, and found out the other day that he had just called her mum trying to find her. This brought on more nightmears...