Make me Laugh (Christ)

[CDRaider]

So I just had a lady come in an totally chew me out to the point that I seriously almost cried and completely lost my composure. I also woke up to a very very cold house and it helped to start off the day bad and today is the day that my cat is put down and so she will not be there when I get home to greet me.

I just need to smile and I just need to laugh. 500 points to the first person who makes me laugh.

[Guitar's Cry]

Originally Posted by CDRaider

So I just had a lady come in an totally chew me out to the point that I seriously almost cried and completely lost my composure. I also woke up to a very very cold house and it helped to start off the day bad and today is the day that my cat is put down and so she will not be there when I get home to greet me.

I just need to smile and I just need to laugh. 500 points to the first person who makes me laugh.

A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here." The mushroom replies, "But I'm a fun guy!"

Get it? Fun guy = fungi!

Seriously though, I'm sorry to hear about your bad day, and especially your cat. As someone who has cried for days over the loss of a pet fish, I understand the attachment that comes with a pet. I sincerely wish you the best!

<Hugs>

[CDRaider]

Originally Posted by Guitar's Cry

A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here." The mushroom replies, "But I'm a fun guy!"

Get it? Fun guy = fungi!

Seriously though, I'm sorry to hear about your bad day, and especially your cat. As someone who has cried for days over the loss of a pet fish, I understand the attachment that comes with a pet. I sincerely wish you the best!

<Hugs>

Thank you, you got a smirk and a roll of the eyes so you just might win...

[Bishka]

Heya Christina. Look at me!!

[CDRaider]

Becky! you might want to get the fixed, kids will think your trying to eat them

[ALifetimeToWaitFor....]

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

[CDRaider]

Originally Posted by ALifetimeToWaitFor....

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

ooohhh. ouch.... thats good. Getting warmer...

[Djamila]

The old Muslim woman goes into the city to visit her beloved son, and his girlfriend. Despite her objections, they're sharing an apartment so - of course - she has to snoop around the moment she arrives.

She notices one of the bedrooms is practically empty, while the other has the belongings of both her son and his girlfriend... so she's curious. Over dinner she just asks, "Are you two having sex before marriage!?"

The son chokes on his food, the girlfriend says no - it's a big, fussy situation. "No, no, no! We're not! My God!"

About a week later the girlfriend says to the son, "You know, I hate to say this, but I've not been able to find my favorite vase since your mother was here to dinner, you don't imagine she took it?"

The son says he's sure his mother never would, but gives her a call just the same.

"Mama, I'm not saying you did take her favorite vase, and I'm not saying you did not, but the truth remains one has been missing since you were here to dinner."

And the mother replies, "My dear son, I'm not saying you are ****ing that ******, and I'm not saying you are not. But if the ****ing **** was sleeping in her own goddamn bed, she'd have found the ****ing vase by now."

[tcprowling]

The Meaning of Life
On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door
of
your house and bark at anyone
who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of
twenty
years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years
and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do
tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life
span."
The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long
time
to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?"

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the
field
with the farmer all day
long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give
milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life
span
of sixty years."
The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty
years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and
enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty,
the
forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the
dog
gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy
ourselves. For the next forty years
we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do
monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years
we
sit on
the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.