Marriage and Religion (ritual, moral, beliefs, choices, choice)

[lunamoth]

Originally Posted by Radio Frequency X

Is religion something that is important to you when considering who you would like to marry? Do you feel this limits your choices, or do you think that it is what God wants you to do?

Would you marry someone from a different religion? If not, what if you fell deeply in love with someone of a different religion?

Religion can be a factor but not because of the problem of conflicting theologies, but more in different approaches to religion and to personal temperments. I think part of the reason my husband and I are so compatible is because we were both raised in the same religion, and both in Episcopalian families. He's been 'secular' for many many years now, actually ever since I've known him, but I'm certain that his sensibilities were ingrained by his family's approach to religion, which emphasizes individual investigation and respect for the beliefs of others. He has been very support of me as I've progressed from secular agnosticism to being a Baha'i to my return to the Episcopal Chruch. Likewise I respect his path in which he feels that participating in any religion would be hypocracy on his part.

Did my family object to my being a Baha'i? Yes, my mother in law did. Yet, she respected my decision and in no way would ever try to interfere with our marriage. I don't think that it is a matter of religion, but of how much individuals can trust each other, and that ultimately comes from trusting God IMV.

[CaptainXeroid]

Originally Posted by Booko

...For those considering marrying someone of another religion, I would strongly caution you. I have seen just too many thing happen when the kids come along and become toddlers. That's when the problems happen, and they can be so severe as to break up the family. A house divided cannot stand and all that. ...

Frubals to you for a most excellent point!

I've also known couples who were raised in the same faith and indifferent to religion until they had kids. The ones that grew together in their faith stayed together more often than the ones who did not.

Originally Posted by angellous_evangellous

I dunno. I'm married to a Christian now and I don't intend to marry again.

Great post and I concur!

[Vigdisdotter]

Originally Posted by Radio Frequency X

Is religion something that is important to you when considering who you would like to marry?

Only if the others person's religion mandates that they belittle my beliefs and/or try to convert me.

Originally Posted by Radio Frequency X

Do you feel this limits your choices, or do you think that it is what God wants you to do?

Um.....which god? :P

Originally Posted by Radio Frequency X

Would you marry someone from a different religion?

If they treated me right and were a real partner, sure.

[BrandonE]

Originally Posted by Booko

Imagine what would've happened though when you had kids and were raising them as good pagans. Do you think the fundamentalist Christian or JW grandparents would have left you in peace to do so? More likely your inlaws would've ripped apart your marriage.

Marriage isn't just about two people joining -- it's about two families joining. The more the families are on board, the better the chance for your relationship to succeed.

This is a good point, though it can be overcome. My parents are fundamentalist Christians. My wife and I were both religiously indifferent when we were married and for several years thereafter.

When our son hit the toddler stage, my parents began subtly pressing us to get him into Sunday School and church. I had a tense discussion with my parents laying out our position on his religious education, and things between my parents and us were cool for a while, though they have resumed normalcy of late.

My wife and I both wanted to raise him with a religious education, but couldn't stomach the exclusionary tones of the mainline churches around here (Bible Belt central). We had flirted with the UU chuch before, but it is our son that eventually firmed our resolve to participate as UU's.

Things definitely could have been bad if one of us had felt strongly drawn to the faith of our youth and the other hadn't. As it was, we drew closer together in facing this decision.

[Draka]

My first husband's family was JW. While that was not the problem between the two of us, it was not great with me and his mother. I didn't tell her anything about being pagan, just that I wasn't Christian. I was suddenly the scourge of the Earth. She constantly belittled me, put me down at every turn, told me I had no values, morals, humility, modesty, anything she could think of to throw my way. I tried to let the things go until she started going off on how I obviously wasn't raised right. That did it for me. I finally went off on her. The sheer balls she had to criticize my parents and how they raised me(when her son was a psycholtic abuser!), and without ever even meeting them! She had it in her mind that I was evil incarnate. Which did not help when her perfect son started beating me. She wouldn't even consider that he did anything wrong...it HAD to be me causing problems. Never him.

It's very true about marrying the whole family. Even if difference of religion may not be an issue with you and your partner, it may very well be a huge issue with their family.

While Turk and I have the same beliefs, his mother is very much Christian. I will be meeting her sometime soon when she has the opportunity to travel out this way. I'm almost a little nervous of what she will think of me. I believe she still thinks Turk is just going through a very long "phase" when it comes to religion. We will see.

[Bishka]

The nice thing for me, being LDS is that we are encouraged to marry people of the smae faith, for more then just 'enlarging the faith'. They don't want conflict in the family or pressure put on the children.

I married a nice LDS boy that comes from an LDS family, as do I.

[Booko]

Originally Posted by BrandonE

This is a good point, though it can be overcome. My parents are fundamentalist Christians. My wife and I were both religiously indifferent when we were married and for several years thereafter.

When our son hit the toddler stage, my parents began subtly pressing us to get him into Sunday School and church. I had a tense discussion with my parents laying out our position on his religious education, and things between my parents and us were cool for a while, though they have resumed normalcy of late.

My wife and I both wanted to raise him with a religious education, but couldn't stomach the exclusionary tones of the mainline churches around here (Bible Belt central). We had flirted with the UU chuch before, but it is our son that eventually firmed our resolve to participate as UU's.

Things definitely could have been bad if one of us had felt strongly drawn to the faith of our youth and the other hadn't. As it was, we drew closer together in facing this decision.

It can and does work, as y'all are proof of. A little caution and clear thinking is important, and especially communication! It sounds like you had shared values from the beginning (as my husband and I did) which is very important.

[Booko]

Originally Posted by beckysoup61

The nice thing for me, being LDS is that we are encouraged to marry people of the smae faith, for more then just 'enlarging the faith'. They don't want conflict in the family or pressure put on the children.

It seems really strange to Americans that parents should have any say, but in my religion if you get married you're required to get permission from all living parents. Arranged marriages are forbidden (which is a real challenge to Baha'is in Asia), but the permission serves to prevent marriages that would be unlikely to survive because the parents are so dead set against their child's fiance.

Is it easy to have your parents or your intended's stop your plans in their tracks? Oh, definitely not! But it's still much easier than trying to pick up the pieces after a divorce (and that's not even taking children into account).

[lunamoth]

Originally Posted by Booko

It seems really strange to Americans that parents should have any say, but in my religion if you get married you're required to get permission from all living parents. Arranged marriages are forbidden (which is a real challenge to Baha'is in Asia), but the permission serves to prevent marriages that would be unlikely to survive because the parents are so dead set against their child's fiance.

Is it easy to have your parents or your intended's stop your plans in their tracks? Oh, definitely not! But it's still much easier than trying to pick up the pieces after a divorce (and that's not even taking children into account).

Unless of course your children are adopted.

[Lindsey-Loo]

Is religion something that is important to you when considering who you would like to marry? Do you feel this limits your choices, or do you think that it is what God wants you to do?

Well, I'm a little young to be thinking about marriage. But when it comes to dating, I feel like it's very important to date a Christian, and better yet, a Christian who is a member of the same "denomination" (for lack of a better word). That way, I can be almost sure that they have the same beliefs and values as me, therefore the relationship wouldn't include unwanted problems. (Example: If I were going out with another Christian, he would automatically know that having sex before marriage is against my beliefs. If I were going out with another member of a church of Christ he would *hopefully* agree that participating in school dances could be sinful.)

I believe that God would want Christians to marry other Christians. After all, there are several examples in the Bible of how people married others who worshipped foreign gods, and God wasn't too pleased with that.

Would you marry someone from a different religion? If not, what if you fell deeply in love with someone of a different religion?

If I fell deeply in love with someone of another religion, I would have to think long and hard before even considering marrying them. But, as you can see from above, at this point I really wouldn't even consider dating someone of another religion, so it wouldn't really be a problem for me.