Deperately in need of advice (suicide, pray, Christian, Christ)

[mannesmith]

I am a devoted single christian mother of 3 beautiful boys... Recently my oldest son who is 13 years old spent the night with some friends and unbeknownst to me they had gone to watch a band perform at one of the local bars here in Phoenix.. My first question was how he had gotten into a bar but he replied that it was an all ages show.. After calling the bar they apparently fence off the bar area and have guards to ensure noone underage can enter bar area. Well on with what is troubling me.. I don't even know if I am in the right forum area for this type of thread I am new.. My 13 year old son brought home a cd and a t-shirt of the band that they went to see.. The name of the band is element a440 and after seeing the t-shirt I think I almost had an aneurism.. The shirt said in very big letters F**k your God!! So I asked him to give me the cd and I listened to it later that evening.. Needless to say it was full of blasphemy towards our lord.. With lyrics chanting that of the t-shirt.. They also had another song that as far as I could tell was about suicide.. I found the bands website and was going to email or contact in some other way and just chickened out.. I mean what really will that do?? I of course took the evil waste of money away from my son and threw it in the trash.. This band is so corruptive and if my 13 year old can get into watch them and buy there garbage; how many other children are being brainwashed into suicide and blasphemy..

Any advice would be greatly appreciated..

Maryanne

[Majikthise]

I am the father of two,boy 3 ,and girl 8. My kids aren't old enough to do anything on their own yet but it won't be long.The 8 year old sometimes thinks she is 13.I wouldn't bother contacting the band, it's not their fault kids this young are let into the venue.I would certainly not let my son stay with those friends again until I spoke to their parents first.Also you might want to have a talk with your son about these things he was exposed to.Explain to him that that type of language and behavior is inapropriate. The main thing I would do though is speak to his friends parents about why they didn't tell you he was going to this show. Good luck!

[martha]

I know you are in a rage, but for the most part I believe this will pass in time. I think you should engage your son in a gentle and peaceful discussion about what it is that he liked so much about the band. Sometimes it is simply the beat of the music, perhaps it is the shock value that interests them. If you can talk to him without condeming, you might gain a better insight. If you go off on him right off the bat, you will make him distance himself from you and you will never have any understanding of what he might be thinking. Explain your thinking about the music, and the shirt and then ask for his interpretation. This will at least give you some understanding and some footing to stand on. I truly hope all goes well for you both.

[linwood]

You must spread some Karma around before giving it to martha again.

[Saint Xtreme]

This is something that you shoudl try to discuss with your son and understand why he is doing what he is doing. As a teenager myself I'd say that just throwing out something that you disapprove of without trying to find out why he went to the show. Why did he lie to go there? What about this band appeals to him? I would reccomend finding those types of things out first, but I am in no sort of position to tell anyone how to raise a child.

[SK2005]

Well as a teenager myself (17 almost 18) I have learned a lot of things about life among other things through the last year or so. If I suddenly got in to something and my parents disaproved it, or course being a teenager for a while I would rebel and lie and do what ever I could to have that. And if a parent threw something out that I liked, I would be like, what do you think you are doing? You are ruining my life. Well, If I were a parent that probably would be my first reaction too. But, I think the best thing to do, is what Saint Xtreme said, sit down and talk with him. I also agree with Martha,(and Shakespeare I suppose too) this too will pass. Teenagers need something to be "into" unfortunatly it is this.
Keep high hopes and relax.

[SK2005]

Oh and another thing....
Pray, Pray, Pray!

[Scuba Pete]

My daughter did much the same thing when she was 14 or so... she ran away to a Marilyn Manson concert and tried her best to offend my wife and I. She was remarkably effective at it as she knew all of our buttons. She had always favored Wiccan beliefs and while I do not hold to them, I would never prohibit her from this.

But I could not accept her abusive behaviour towards my beliefs, or anyone else's for that matter. We had some harsh talks about what was acceptable and what was not. The real turning point for her was me not bashing HER beliefs about Wicca. Was it hard? Sure. But just as the Prodigal Son's father let him go his own way, so we must allow our children to exercise THEIR free choice to follow or not.

[ayani]

talk with your son, and raise those questions with him that you've raised here- your concerns about blasphemy and suicide in music. ask him how he feels about what's being discussed in the songs, and help him to understand the difference between entertainment and reality (so many kids have trouble with this). be open with him, and listen to what he has to say, too. even if his taste in music is somewhat iffy...

[robtex]

Kid sounds like a free spirt. Look, he got home in one piece and slept under your roof safe and sound....sounds like a good ending to me. Kids do wild stuff. He didn't hurt any other kids he didnt' steal and he didn' t ingest any narcotics. He listend to a band that has a very crude way of mouthing off to religion. That doesnt' mean he hates your God or that he has hate in his heart. Sounds like he didn't see it as a really bad thing as he forked over the cd knowing you were going to listen to it. I am glad you kids is safe and if you follow Martha advice (she has a talent at these things) I bet you and your son will grow from this with both of you having a better understanding of one another, of both your thoughts on suicide and religion. He went to a see a band that wasn't PC and now you both have a chance to grow from it..maybe its your God working in what you Christians call "mysterious ways".