PLEASE HELP a newbie understand buddhist detachment from desire (ritual, mystic)

[lilithu]

Originally Posted by mistermark3

I am very interested in the idea of ending or reducing my desires. As I understand it, this is largely a Buddhist concept. I guess what I dont understand is what this really means. Not desiring a big house, a fast car, the nicest clothes... Fine. I understand that. But does it also mean not desiring to have ANY house, ANY car, ANY clothes? Does it mean ending my desire to have a strong relationship with my parents, family, and friends? Does it mean ending my desire to play sports and learn non- spiritual things, like sailing a boat? IF ANYONE CAN HELP ME I AM JUST REALLY REALLY LOST HERE. Cheers!

Yes, it does mean not desiring any and all of those things, but not in the way that you think. It's not about denying yourself things that you actually still desire, which would be kinda torturous. Nor does it mean giving all of those things up. For example, in Buddhism you would also not desire food. But that doesn't mean you never eat again. It doesn't even mean you can't enjoy it. Have fun. Be happy...

My advice would be to not worry about understanding this for now. It's not what you probably think it is anyway, and focusing on it will likely discourage you from trying. Start with the basics. Practice. And then see if it works for you. Don't give up too soon because it might take a while. But if you find, it doesn't work, then it's not for you. If you do find it works, then take it to the next step. And the next. Before you know it the question that you have now will be answered by your own observations, without torturing yourself.

[Ashley-Yin]

Originally Posted by mistermark3

I am very interested in the idea of ending or reducing my desires. As I understand it, this is largely a Buddhist concept. I guess what I dont understand is what this really means. Not desiring a big house, a fast car, the nicest clothes... Fine. I understand that. But does it also mean not desiring to have ANY house, ANY car, ANY clothes? Does it mean ending my desire to have a strong relationship with my parents, family, and friends? Does it mean ending my desire to play sports and learn non- spiritual things, like sailing a boat? IF ANYONE CAN HELP ME I AM JUST REALLY REALLY LOST HERE. Cheers!

to desire something is to wish or long for something, this is generally a bad thing
to desire something is also to request or ask for something which is more often than not a good thing

Take sex for example many people desire(crave) it because their never fully satisfied or their too satisfied. also its not practical to have sex all the time unless your in porn
films or a sex worker(escort not prostitute) etc.

When people have a reasonable understanding of desire sex etc. becomes less of a need and more of a hobby where people will ask in a loving way 'do you want to?' it is or has become something special for me and is not a quick fix.

[MysticSang'ha]

As usual, I think many of the awesome folks here have answered the question beautifully. But let me add my own two cents since I just have to do that.

am very interested in the idea of ending or reducing my desires. As I understand it, this is largely a Buddhist concept. I guess what I dont understand is what this really means. Not desiring a big house, a fast car, the nicest clothes... Fine. I understand that. But does it also mean not desiring to have ANY house, ANY car, ANY clothes? Does it mean ending my desire to have a strong relationship with my parents, family, and friends? Does it mean ending my desire to play sports and learn non- spiritual things, like sailing a boat? IF ANYONE CAN HELP ME I AM JUST REALLY REALLY LOST HERE. Cheers!

Have you ever heard of the expression that the opposite of dysfunction is...dysfunction? Putting an end to desire does not mean to replace the motivation with aversion to what is essential and/or delightful. We already do that with the things that don't bring us happiness in the first place. If we find ourselves eschewing chocolate cake in the hope that we're saying that forcing ourselves to feel disgust when faced with something so obviously yummy - well, we're just repeating the same thing over and over again. Only this time, we're just finding ourselves feeling aversion toward the chocolate cake and not our mother-in-law.

Desire happens. "Detachment" does not mean "avoidance." Think of holding a precious bird in your hand - to be fully detached means that you hold the beautiful and precious bird in your open palm, giving the bird it's own freedom to fly away whenever it wants. Feel happy. Enjoy the bird songs. Feel it's warmth. Just leave the hand open..........don't squish the bird in the hope to claim possession over it......and don't throw the bird down because you feel that you have to be an ascetic when it comes to approaching the pleasurable things in life.

I like to go back to the chocolate cake analogy only because I like chocolate cake.

Here's another way of looking at desire. It's one thing for me to say, "Oooooh, I'd love to have some chocolate cake for dessert!" It's another thing entirely to say, "I'm fully entitled to have chocolate cake for dessert!" It's once we attach a sense that our happiness is at stake, that the chocolate cake is our claim to happiness, that the absence of the chocolate cake is what we're trying to avoid........that's where the suffering comes from. Not the desire all by it's lonesome.

Talking about chocolate cake is making me hungry, BTW.

[TurkeyOnRye]

You should read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. He answers this question beautifully.

[YmirGF]

Originally Posted by TurkeyOnRye

You should read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. He answers this question beautifully.

Why bother, I think our dear MysticHeath'er just put the icing on the cake. Frubals, my dear, grasshoppette. If you need to read Eric Tolle, you are missing the access point into enlightenment which exists right here, right now.

Eckhart Tolle on Enligtenment.

It appears that Echkart and I agree on this point. If you are seeking enlightenment, you are missing the onramp, which already exists, here... now... all you need do is ... BE! Oddly that is not enough for most people and they have this tendency to project their awakening into their future, as if it something they can buy time shares in. It isn't.

[Scarlett Wampus]

Originally Posted by lilithu

My advice would be to not worry about understanding this for now. It's not what you probably think it is anyway, and focusing on it will likely discourage you from trying. Start with the basics. Practice. And then see if it works for you. Don't give up too soon because it might take a while. But if you find, it doesn't work, then it's not for you. If you do find it works, then take it to the next step. And the next. Before you know it the question that you have now will be answered by your own observations, without torturing yourself.

Yep!

Mistermark3, detachment from desire is counter-intuitive thus trying to work it out is mostly counter-productive. At least, it is to me! It can seem overly complex, unnatural, paradoxical and even threatening as a concept.

If you feel lost, join the gang. That isn't an obstacle that needs to be cleared away before you can move forward. If anything its a potential gateway to this stuff and to enter into it is to practice.

A way to start right now is to practice being relaxed & observant in whatever it is that's happening. You'll get distracted but noticing that you've been distracted then going back to practicing relaxed observation is also an essential part of the practice. That's the fundamental core of meditation. If you'd like to try sitting meditation then give that a go too.

[methylatedghosts]

I think you've put this very nicely, Ymir, and I'd like to add a bit more to it.

Originally Posted by YmirGF

For example, you will never reach enlightenment by wanting it. That may sound odd, but wanting enlightenment will simply push it away from you. Another way to look at it is as long as you still want it, you simply are not ready for it. Your attachment is in the wanting itself, in the expectation of the desire. You see, enlightenment isn't especially something you attain, but more realistically speaking, it is something you gradually become aware of. It is sort of like trying to capture your own shadow.

When you make a statement, the (universe/God/truth/that-which-is) agrees. You say "X", the reply is "yes". For example:
"I want lots of money"
"YES"
or:
"I want to no longer desire"
"YES"

you see, your statement produces the result. But it is not the reply that is faulty here, it is the statement (well.... really there's not fault with the statement, the fault is with the thought of what you think that statement will produce).
When you say "I want lots of money" the reply is, "Yes, you do. You DO want lots of money"
When you say "I want to no longer desire", the reply is "yes you do. You DO want to no longer desire".

The statement is one of want, and it produces wanting.

[TurkeyOnRye]

Originally Posted by YmirGF

Why bother, I think our dear MysticHeath'er just put the icing on the cake. Frubals, my dear, grasshoppette. If you need to read Eric Tolle, you are missing the access point into enlightenment which exists right here, right now.

Eckhart Tolle on Enligtenment.

It appears that Echkart and I agree on this point. If you are seeking enlightenment, you are missing the onramp, which already exists, here... now... all you need do is ... BE! Oddly that is not enough for most people and they have this tendency to project their awakening into their future, as if it something they can buy time shares in. It isn't.

He was asking to understand the concept and I think I make a good case when I offer him the advice of reading this book. I would recommend this book in any case though.