Romantic Love and Detachment (choice, experience, pray, prayer, Article)

[Scarlett Wampus]

Was listening to the radio and a song by the Cardigans came on. The lyrics really struck me: -

"Lately I have desperately pondered,
spent my nights awake and I wonder
what I could have done in another way
to make you stay
Reason will not reach a solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don't care if you really care
as long as you don't go

So I cry, I pray and I beg

Love me love me
say that you love me"

Sitting meditation can help return to the source but sometimes disturbance in the mind is hard to resolve. I find romantic love can be like this, so strong that to 'see things as they are, to observe things are they are, and to let everything go as it goes' is forgotten.

Few are happy in this world, so when people fall in love they get into conflict – clinging to love or denying it through fear of losing it. Its possible to love someone without becoming attached to the point of wanting them to be 'yours' but it takes an unusual level of detachment.

Love can transform your life, can feel like the greatest thing you've ever experienced, so to accept its impermanence is no small thing. However, what choice have we got?

[Buttons*]

I wish I knew... *sigh*

[Franklin]

Very difficult question indeed. I read in National Geographic about love looking like obsessive compulsive disorder in the brain, at least in the beginning. As we know the four noble truths speak to this suffering. I know most people, even though perfectly happy in their relationships, could point to that time in the beginning of a romantic relationship that they could think of nothing more than the other party involved. That very thing is why I could never become enlightened, I love too much. Anyway here is an interesting article regarding this topic.

http://www.narsad.org/research/profi...005-12-07.html

[meogi]

I don't think it's too difficult to detach yourself from someone you love. Detaching yourself from someone you lust over, however, is rather difficult. The problem is often the two are intertwined.

It's the desire to be with someone that must be resolved, not the affection felt for them. I've always been fond of, "If you love someone, let them go." Don't worry about if they will come back or not. If they do, you can appreciate each other again. If not, you can appreciate the experience for what it was.

My thoughts anyway. It's hard, but so is trancendence.

[Buttercup]

Wow, Scarlett, a deep thinker about love. How refreshing!

Ohhhhh, the time I have lost in my life to fawning over someone I couldn't have, who was lost to me. The pain is still vivid and clear. I wish to never go through that again. I WON"T go through that again. Well, mostly because I have him now! But the memories of hurt are still there.

But things have changed now. I am more concerned with my children going through pain from love. It is inevitable isn't it? It's always a gamble but we head for the fire anyway. I hate the thought of my kids hurting as does anyone else who has kids. All I can do is talk to them about my experiences and encourage independence & self confidence, cross my fingers, say a prayer or two and sit back and watch.

I do think some people reach an age (or are never this way) where "couple" love isn't so important to them. My mother and mother in law are happily single and have zero interest in pursuing love with a man. They are happy alone. I feel good for them about that.