On Baha'i marriage:

[arthra]

Baha'is recognize and extol the institution of marriage.. however there are some exceptional aspects to Baha'i marriage that are not well known.

To have a Baha'i marriage you need the approval of all living parents of the prospective spouses. Even if you're sixty years old and your parent is eighty they still need to approve of the marriage. This practise eliminates the grounds for complaints from the proverbial "mother-in-law" and actually makles sense I think because new families today often need the support of their inlaws anyway. So there is no eloping among Baha'is.

Once everyone approves of the marriage the couple goes to their nearest Local Spiritual Assembly and applies to have the Baha'i marriage. TWo witnesses approved by the Assembly need to be present to witness the vows of the couple.

The vow consists of the words "We will all verily abide by the Will of God" in front of the approved witnesses. Once that's done and all the civil laws requirements for marriage have been met the marriage is recognized.

A Baha'i marriage can occur just about anywhere and all you need are the people being married and the designated witnesses. We also allow for interfaith marriages where say one of the people marrying is non-Baha'i.. If say a Baha'i were to marry a Christian and the Christian wants a church ceremonmy the Baha'i "ceremony" is held on the same day in another location but not mixed in with the Christian ceremony say in the church.

Also, the Baha'i marriage can be simple and free.. there are no charges for it and if the couple wishes they could rent an expensive hall but it's up to them. So this way an expensive marriage ceremony can be avoided which helps the new family.

Here are some important selections from the Baha'i Writings that apply to marriage:

Marriage, among the mass of the people, is a physical bond, and this union can only be temporary, since it is foredoomed to a physical separation at the close.

Among the people of Baha, however, marriage must be a union of the body and of the spirit as well, for here both husband and wife are aglow with the same wine, both are enamoured of the same matchless Face, both live and move through the same spirit, both are illumined by the same glory. This connection between them is a spiritual one, hence it is a bond that will abide forever. Likewise do they enjoy strong and lasting ties in the physical world as well, for if the marriage is based both on the spirit and the body, that union is a true one, hence it will endure. If, however, the bond is physical and nothing more, it is sure to be only temporary, and must inexorably end in separation.

When, therefore, the people of Baha undertake to marry, the union must be a true relationship, a spiritual coming together as well as a physical one, so that throughout every phase of life, and in all the worlds of God, their union will endure; for this real oneness is a gleaming out of the love of God.(Compilations, The Compilation of Compilations vol II, p. 441)
__________________

[Steinninn]

Very interesting. So what if, say, I was adopted. Should one get approval from the parents that brought me up?

[arthra]

Steinninn,

My understanding:

The approval of adopted parents is not required .. but one is obligated to make an effort to locate the birth parents when it is legally permitted and request their consent to the marriage.

One must consult with the Assembly that is involved for details and what they will approve..

However read this:

"Whenever the law of the land or the agreement of adoption prohibits future contact between an adopted child and its natural parents, the Bahá'í law does not require the child to seek the consent of those parents to its marriage.

In the situation, however, where contact with the natural parent is permitted, it should be a matter of wise discretion at what stage contact, in cases where it has been broken, should be re- established.

Just as love for one person need not reduce the love one bears to another, so unity with the adoptive parents need not destroy or reduce the unity a child has with its natural parents, or vice versa. The characters and attitudes of the individuals concerned will have an effect upon this..."

(From a letter of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer, February 17, 1971)
(Compilations, Lights of Guidance, p. 141)

So working with the Assembly is the first step..

- Art

[zenzero]

Friend arthra,

Thanks for that info on Bahai marriage.
Even after all this, what is the way to go about a "separation" between couples.
Do the come to the temple or go to the court of law?
How is that settled as to err is human! besides property, children , money etc. to be settled between separated couples?

Love & rgds

[arthra]

Originally Posted by zenzero

Friend arthra,

Thanks for that info on Bahai marriage.
Even after all this, what is the way to go about a "separation" between couples.
Do the come to the temple or go to the court of law?
How is that settled as to err is human! besides property, children , money etc. to be settled between separated couples?

Love & rgds

Thanks for your questions zenzero! Welcome!

I'll give my response but will also inlcude some quotes that relate from Baha'i sources.. I will also say that these issues are brought to the Local Spiritual Assembly on a case by case basis and treated in confidence in the community..

The Institution to which Baha'is apply for marriage is also the same institution that they go to when the marriage is say faultering..

After consultation with say the local Assembly the couple is often referred to counseling to try to resolve their issues..

They also can have what we call a year of patience in which the couple should agree to seek to resolve their issues.

During this year of patience they are to agree that they will not cultivate say another relationship..

They must agree to live in separate abodes..

At the conclusion of this year of patience the Assembly evalauates the progress made or lack there of and can agree to say a Baha'i divorce..

The couple is then free to pursue a divorce say under civil codes..

There is also to be no stigma attached to someone who has been divorced among the Baha'is..

Here are some quotes related to the issue:

"... no sanctions should be imposed merely because the believer has commenced a civil action for divorce before the expiration of the year of patience. However, the believer will be subject to sanctions if he should marry a third party within the year of patience itself, but also because even though a civil divorce has been granted, the Bahá'í divorce cannot be granted until the end of the year of patience. For this reason no marriage is possible during the running of the year of patience unless the parties to the divorce re-marry each other again in a civil ceremony."

(From a letter of the Universal House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of Alaska, March 29, 1966)

(Compilations, Lights of Guidance, p. 52)

"Thus the date of the beginning of the year of patience normally commences when one of the parties notifies the Assembly that they have separated with the intention of divorce. However, the Assembly may establish the beginning of the year of patience on a prior date provided it is satisfied such prior date reflects the actual date of separation and there is good reason for so doing."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to a National Spiritual Assembly, August 26, 1965)

(Compilations, Lights of Guidance, p. 395)

"It is always the hope that, during the year of patience, affection between the couple will recur and that divorce will not be necessary. Therefore, although normal social relationships between each of the partners and member of both sexes are permissible, it is quite contrary to the spirit of the teachings for either party to be courting a new partner during the year of waiting.

(Compilations, Lights of Guidance, p. 396)

As to settlement after a divorce this can be done through the civil court but the people involved are also free to consult with the Assembly.

[zenzero]

Friend arthra,

Thanks for that response.
But what if some member approaches the court of law instead of the Assembly?
Is he rusticated or debarred?

Love & rgds

[arthra]

Originally Posted by zenzero

Friend arthra,

Thanks for that response.
But what if some member approaches the court of law instead of the Assembly?
Is he rusticated or debarred?

Love & rgds

Well Baha'is are supposed to work through their communities and that means consulting with an Assembly.

What would happen in a case where a Baha'i got a civil divorce without going through an Assembly while they were Baha'i would depend on the circumstances and that could vary..

A sanction could mean loss of administrative rights for the Baha'i but this is decided on a case by case basis depending.

Sometimes the Local Assembly turns to the National Spiritual Assembly for advise and Counsel.

Here are some more quotes from Baha'i sources:


"... no sanctions should be imposed merely because the believer has commenced a civil action for divorce before the expiration of the year of patience.

(Compilations, Lights of Guidance, p. 52)


also:

Divorce is conditional upon the approval and permission of the Spiritual Assembly.

(7 July 1938 to a National Spiritual Assembly)

1331. There in no Law to Remove Voting Right for Obtaining Civil Divorce Before the year of Waiting Terminates

"...There is no Bahá'í Law requiring the removal of voting rights for obtaining a civil divorce before the end of the year of waiting. If is, of course, preferred that civil divorce action be not instituted or completed before the end of the year unless there are special circumstances justifying such action.

If a Bahá'í should marry another prior to the end of the year of waiting however, voting rights should be suspended as, under Bahá'í Law, he is still regarded as married whether or not the civil divorce has been granted.

On the other hand, if a non-Bahá'í partner, having obtained a civil divorce, marries during the year of waiting, the Bahá'í partner is released from the need to wait further."

(From a letter of the Universal House of Justice to a National Spiritual Assembly, August 20, 1974)
(Compilations, Lights of Guidance, p. 399)


This relates to your earlier question about settlement after divorce:

"8. It is the responsibility of the Assembly to assist the divorced couple to arrive at an amicable settlement of their financial affairs and arrangement for the custody and support of the children rather than let these matters be a subject of litigation in the civil courts. If the Assembly is unable to bring the couple to an agreement on such matters then their only recourse is to civil court. "These are some of the general guidelines your Assembly should have in mind in divorce cases..."
(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to a National Spiritual Assembly, June 20, 1977)
(Compilations, Lights of Guidance, p. 397)