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  #1  
Old 01-24-2006, 03:18 PM
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Default Baha`i Humor

It seems that every religion has its own sense of humor which leads to the creation of a comedic repertoire. I ran across this compendium of Baha`i jokes on Wikpedia:



The Bahá'í Faith is an independent world religion and it seems reasonable to expect it to possess a body of jokes and other examples of humor, as other religions do. This page will attempt to document this.


The Pioneer

Necessary background: (1) Bahá'í pioneers are not missionaries, but unpaid volunteers who move to another region which lacks Bahá'ís. (2) A Local Spiritual Assembly (LSA) must have a minimum of 9 adult Bahá'ís. Bahá'ís have been known to move in order to allow various LSA's to continue functioning. (3) The "Remover of Difficulties" is a short prayer revealed by the Báb, it is one of the most commonly known Bahá'í prayers. A Bahá'í pioneer was trespassing through the jungle of some tropical country, when suddenly he found himself surrounded by naked men with bones through their noses, waving spears. They tied him up and threw him in a stew-pot, then started piling firewood underneath. Drums sounded. In desperation the pioneer began reciting the "remover of difficulties" prayer. Suddenly the drumming stopped. One cannibal looked at another and said "Hey guys! I think we've just found the ninth member of our Local Spiritual Assembly!"



Miscellaneous two-liners

Necessary background: (1) Bahá'í bookstores sell numerous t-shirts, bumper stickers, and buttons with messages advocating world peace, an end to racism, "one world", and so on. (2) The Bahá'ís see their sacred history as beginning with the Bábí movement (1844-1852), though recognizing it to be a separate religion from their own. Q. What did they have before Bahá'í buttons were invented?

A. Bábí pins! (sounds like "bobby pins")

Necessary background: Bahá'u'lláh's writings are called "tablets" (lawh). Q. Why don't Bahá'ís get headaches?

A. Because Bahá'u'lláh gave them Tablets!

Necessary background: `Abdu'l-Bahá, the son of Bahá'u'lláh, traveled through Europe and the United States shortly before World War I, giving talks on Bahá'í themes. He is referred to reverently as "the Master." Q. How did `Abdu'l-Bahá finance his trip across America and Europe?

A. With Master-Card!



Columbus

The following story is from Vignettes '`Abdu'l-Bahá told a Bahá'í to prepare to go to India to teach the Faith. So he prepared by studying Indian culture, languages, etc. But at the last minute, the Master changed his mind and decided to send him to America.

"But I thought I was going to India," said the Pioneer.

`Abdu'l-Bahá answered, "So did Columbus."



Entering Heaven

Necessary Background: Huqúqu’lláh (literally "the right of God", Arabic حقوق الله) is a voluntary Bahá'í religious wealth tax analogous to the Islamic Zakat. In this joke it is significant mainly for being difficult to spell. A Christian, Muslim, and Bahá'í all die at the same time. They come upon the gates of Heaven, and the angel Gabriel greets them and says "To enter Heaven you must answer one question correctly. If you get it right, you can enter. If you get it wrong, you will fall into a fiery abyss."

The Christian steps up, and Gabriel asks, "Who is the most recent Manifestation of God on earth?" The Christian confidently responds "Jesus Christ, the Son of God" Suddenly the ground opens and swallows him up.

The Muslim steps up, and Gabriel asks, "Who is the most recent Manifestation of God on earth?" The Muslim confidently responds "Muhammad, the Apostle of God" Suddenly the ground opens and swallows him up.

The Bahá'í steps up, and Gabriel asks, "Spell Huqúqu’lláh."



Sinking Ship

A Jew, a Christian, and a Muslim were out sailing on a small boat, when they got caught up in a tempest and the boat capsized. The Christian began to pray out loud, "Dear Lord, please send this infernal Muslim to his death and save me." The Muslim also began to pray out loud, "Oh God, grant your favor on me, and let this wretched Christian drown in the sea." When they asked the Jew why he wasn't praying, he responded, "I trust God will answer your prayers."



Travelling Teachers

Two Bahá'í travelling teachers were in a small town, looking for a place to stay. The only place for rent was the basement of an old house that had a reputation for being haunted. They took the place and moved in. The neighbors were curious to see how long they would be able to stay in the haunted basement. A week passed, then two. The travelling teachers showed no signs of moving out. Finally, someone came and asked them how they could bear to stay, and weren't they afraid of the ghosts? "Oh no," one of the teachers replied, "We're Bahá'ís." "What does being Bahá'ís have to do with it?" the questioner inquired. "Well, you see, Bahá'u'lláh said, 'Fear not abasement...'"



The Veteran

An old WWII vet went to his local watering hole once a week on Fridays and ordered three beers. He did this every week for some years, and became a familiar sight to the bartender. One evening, curiosity got the best of the bartender, and he asked the old man, "why do you come here and get three beers every single Friday?". The old man laughed and said "well, when I was in WWII, my two best buddies and I agreed that wherever we were, we would get three beers every Friday- one for each of us. That way, we always remember one another." The bartender smiled, thanked the old man for the explanation, and said goodbye to him as he left the bar. The next week, the old man walked in as usual, climbed onto his favorite barstool, and said hello to the bartender, who'd already set aside three beers. "Actually, said the veteran, "this week, I will only be needing two beers." The bartender was stunned by the change in routine and stuttered "b-b-but why only two?". With a smile on his face, the old man replied, "because I'm a Baha'i now!" (Remember: Baha'is don't drink)

This entry is from Wikipedia, the leading user-contributed encyclopedia. It may not have been reviewed by professional editors (see full disclaimer)
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  #2  
Old 01-24-2006, 08:21 PM
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Smile

I like a religion with a sense of humor.
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  #3  
Old 03-23-2006, 06:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fallen Goddess
I like a religion with a sense of humor.
In Adib Taherzadeh's historical work, "The Revelation of Baha'u'llah", he reports that Baha'u'llah, Founder of the Baha'i Faith, said that one of the attributes of God was "Humorist."

Although there are other passages in Baha'i Writings that caution against making jokes at someone else's expense. Which would make sense...
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  #4  
Old 03-23-2006, 06:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Popeyesays
It seems that every religion has its own sense of humor which leads to the creation of a comedic repertoire.
Q: What's a Baha'i fruit?
A: Cantaloupe

[note: Baha'is can't get married w/o parental permission.]

And where is Bruce with his variation on "How many Baha'is does it take to screw in a lightbulb, anyway?

[note: the answer is always 9, though the reasons vary]

And the ever popular:

Q: What is the name of the nightingale in the Tablet of Ahmad? (a prayer)
A: Lo

[the prayer begins, "Lo, the nightingale...."]

While they're hardly authoritative, I do like some of the tales related by Baha'u'llah's barber. Especially the one about Turkish Delight, which Baha'u'llah's brother Mirza Yahyah liked and so they would go around hiding it from him.
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  #5  
Old 03-24-2006, 01:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Booko
And where is Bruce with his variation on "How many Baha'is does it take to screw in a lightbulb, anyway?

[note: the answer is always 9, though the reasons vary.]
Sigh.

Well, since my public demands it . . .

I must point out, though, that despite her assertion, Booko is about to find out that the answer is not always nine!:


Q. How many Baha'is does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. Ten: nine to consult on how to make it a teaching project,
and one to make the tea.


Q. How many Baha'is does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. Baha'is don't do that. They teach the light bulb,
and if it wants to transform, it'll change itself!


And I suppose that before she comes back and asks for it next, I'd better relate the anecdote about 'Abdu'l-Baha's taste in refreshments. (He was the son of our Founder, Baha'u'llah, and His apointed successor/interpreter 1892-1921.)

During his travels in America, the hostess at one event asked 'Abdu'l-Baha whether he'd like tea or coffee.

'Abdu'l-Baha said,

"Tea is a very spiritual drink. It uplifts the soul, and prepares one for the Next Life.

"Coffee, in contrast, is a very material drink, and appeals to the lower nature.

"I'll have a cup of coffee, please."


:-)

Bruce
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  #6  
Old 03-24-2006, 01:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BruceDLimber
Q. How many Baha'is does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. Ten: nine to consult on how to make it a teaching project,
and one to make the tea.
Well, it should be 9...if one person leaves to make the tea, you still have a quorum...

And where's the one where some say prayers, someone takes the minutes, and someone else organizes the potluck, or whatever that was???

Quote:
And I suppose that before she comes back and asks for it next, I'd better relate the anecdote about 'Abdu'l-Baha's taste in refreshments. (He was the son of our Founder, Baha'u'llah, and His apointed successor/interpreter 1892-1921.)

During his travels in America, the hostess at one event asked 'Abdu'l-Baha whether he'd like tea or coffee.

'Abdu'l-Baha said,

"Tea is a very spiritual drink. It uplifts the soul, and prepares one for the Next Life.

"Coffee, in contrast, is a very material drink, and appeals to the lower nature.

"I'll have a cup of coffee, please."

Bruce
Is this Kitab-i-Hearsay, or there a lit cite on this one?
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  #7  
Old 03-27-2006, 12:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Booko
Well, it should be 9...if one person leaves to make the tea, you still have a quorum...

And where's the one where some say prayers, someone takes the minutes, and someone else organizes the potluck, or whatever that was???
Uh, I think the "cook" was supernumerary.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Booko
Is this Kitab-i-Hearsay, or there a lit cite on this one?
An excellent question; I'm glad you asked it!

If there are no further questions, class is dismissed.

<g, d&r>

Bruce
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  #8  
Old 03-27-2006, 12:57 PM
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This is makes me smile, especially about the coffee! What are some good texts on the Baha'i faith?
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Old 03-27-2006, 03:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BruceDLimber
An excellent question; I'm glad you asked it!

If there are no further questions, class is dismissed.

<g, d&r>

Bruce
Remind me not to ask you to teach children's classes!
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  #10  
Old 03-27-2006, 04:06 PM
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Booko is negotiating a frubal-proliferation treaty with an old rival
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Originally Posted by evearael
This is makes me smile, especially about the coffee! What are some good texts on the Baha'i faith?
What you don't know is that Bruce is positively fundamentalist in his tea-drinking.

At this website you can download Ocean concordance, which contains not just Baha'i Writings, but the texts from many other religions as well. It's free.

http://www.bahai-education.org

Were you looking for a basic introduction, or is there a specific interest?
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